Post by Liessel on Mar 27, 2024 18:34:38 GMT -5
The kitchen smelled of warm chocolate, heated cream, and -- was that rosemary? It was a scent that crawled out along the baseboards and found its way to clinging in the corners of the doorway that led from the kitchen into the dining room only to grow weaker and dissipate as the scent neared the front door.
On the kitchen table, laying open and as flat as its thickness would allow was a book that was easily twice as big as Liessel's left forearm. Within its splayed pages rested a pendulum capped with a piece of white quartz that was as clear as a window but was run through with little swirls of its own natural cloudiness. Next to that book lay another, this one smaller and thinner, on top of which rested a well used brown marbled fountain pen. It was not the thin type that was sold in stores and marketed to women. It was broader, more stout.
Liessel had left the stove to cool, the remnants of her kitchen experiment cooling with it. She had a mug full of the warm, darkly rich liquid between her hands as she moved from the kitchen, leaving the bible where it was at on the table, and headed for the dining room and then beyond that to the parlor.
Bags were packed. All loose ends were completed. The only thing left was to wait on the Flynn's arrival and the adventure was off. Setting the receiver down, Aurelia took a long look at her home. The unusual quiet accompanied by the smell of rosemary and heated cream was a comfort. Aurelia knew she should move.
It would be so easy. Just one foot in front of the other. But she hesitated.
"They never seemed so helpless before."
Taking in a sharp breath, she could feel her hesitation just as Avery did upon their return from Harroway. Liessel moved into her line of vision, freeing Aurelia from that frozen moment in time.
“The Flynns will be here soon.” She announced.
It was a slow thing, a creeping thing, one that seemed like it was so far off until the moment when it wasn't so far off at all. Suddenly, it was there. Aurelia was there, with her bags packed, and the Flynns on their way. "--And you have everything you'll need?" She found herself asking, the coffee cup between her hands keeping her fingers warm. "Your pin?"
"Of course." She said with a warm smile. "And if I didn't - there are two brothers who would surely have replacements for me."
Aurelia looked around the large house again.
"You'll be alright with us gone?"
Liessel cast her gaze around, as well, her answer coming as her eyes swept past the doorway to the parlor, "I think so. Mister Whitmoor will be here at night with me. Cog has one of the guest rooms already made up for him. And I'm sure Sprite will keep me company. But breakfast certainly won't be the same." Her gaze landed back on Aurelia and she cleared her throat softly and felt herself smile a little. "I will miss you, Aurelia."
"Eli is staying with you?" Aurelia asked, clearly taken by surprise. "That's very kind of him. I didn't know you two were close. The last time he was here, you couldn't wait for an empty house." She tried to shift gears as easily as Liessel had just done but found herself unable without worry of losing the sincerity of that statement.
Her nod was small, "He will be here in the evenings with me, and I will be over at Flynn and Flynn during the day to help with whatever he might need help with if I am not at The Bells with my father. We also have plans to do some exploring together -- probably on the weekends. I am not sure yet when it will happen. The house is a lot emptier now, than it had been then, so it should be alright."
Noticing the sidestep of her comment, Aurelia let it go. If Liessel was not ready to delve into the reason of her outlook on Eli, then no good would come from pushing.
"I'm glad that you will have someone with you." She nodded with a little smile. "I look forward to trading stories when we return."
"I hope we have something just as exciting to share, as I am sure you will." Liessel offered back, "With Slake possibly lurking about, it seemed wise to make the offer. I thought that if he is watching, then seeing us just off and doing what people our age do might keep him at bay at least until you and the Flynns have returned. If he had any idea that he intimidated me, he might be back if he realizes I am alone. I'm only glad that Eli agreed to it. Neither of us have really seen London so it will be a good way for me to keep my promise to you, and to still get out there and do some exploring without much worry."
"There's much to see for sure!" Aurelia nodded. "As for Slake... it is something that I wish we were not leaving you to attend to. I am sorry for that."
Her eyes held the smile that failed to make it truly into her expression. There was so much to see in London and she already had her list started on the where's and what-to-see's. But Slake. He was the more important topic just then. He was the more dangerous topic just then. Her right hand held onto the mug of warm liquid she held while her left reached for Aurelia, "It is alright. If something happens, we will call but only if it is something that we cannot handle. And worse comes to worst, I will unleash Sprite on him. That should be enough to scare him away for a little while." Her smile peeked through just then, cracking the corners of her lips into an upward tilt.
"I would love to see the mighty Sprite against Slake." Aurelia replied taking her hand. "But you are afraid and I do not like leaving you when you are as such."
"It is only that there is still so much happening at once. Between trying to figure myself out, and things with Gerold -- and with Slake," Liessel shook her head and gave Aurelia's hand a gentle squeeze, "-- You do not need to worry about me. I will manage, and you will go and have fun."
"That is easier to say than to do." Aurelia said with a pinched smile. Shaking her head, she breathed through the muddle of emotions. "How is your father?"
She spared a moment to turn and place the cup she held down on the side table next to the phone. Turning back, Liessel reached for Aurelia's other hand, "I know it is," Her voice was its usual quiet self, if a little shaken. Her smile was gone leaving her lips teasing at the edges of a frown, "All of it is easier said than done. This will be our first time apart since we met -- and that seems like it was forever ago. But I'll be alright, Aurelia." She left the topic of her father sit there for a moment where it was, letting this one hold its own weight between them.
"I won't believe that until after I am gone." Aurelia admitted. "And even then it might take time for the worry that's eating at me to ease."
Soon the Flynns would be arriving. Soon she would be gone for an unknown stretch of time. Aurelia could feel the pressure of a clock ticking away precious minutes. “It is.” The Eforie agreed along with the tilt of her head. “I think that is what makes it so hard. That and…” She pursed her lips, searching for the right way to say the next thing. “You were so shaken by Slake. And with everything that’s happened with your father and now Gerold. I’ve lived with you, Liessel. I’ve watched you seclude yourself in these rooms because you had to hide. I do not want the same thing to happen now that you are going to be without me and the Flynns.”
Liessel let go of a slow, and long exhale, "I hadn't been expecting Slake. I hadn't been expecting him to watch the way that he did. It was -- unnerving. Next time, if there is a next time, I will be more prepared for it. And Gerold -- like you, he would not want me to hide myself away like that again. He would want me out there discovering things and finding my way. My father, too." She drew in another breath, "I also have my promise to you to keep. I plan on doing my best not to break it."
Accepting that, Aurelia took in a slow breath. "I spoke to Gerold before he left."
She waited there to give Liessel the time to decide and make space for anything else Aurelia might have to say.
The question lived within her eyes as she met Aurelia's gaze. Like a ghost it hugged to the corners of her lips, pulling them down into a slight frown before she could manage to make sound out of it.
"What -- did you talk about?"
"You." She admitted. "He told me to tell you he would be back."
"After our last few conversations," Liessel answered after a moment, having put her gaze off to the side while she sorted through her thoughts to find her words. Her eyes closed, and then opened again a few seconds later, "I hadn't been entirely sure where I stood with him. Thank you for telling me, Aurelia."
"I believe he is trying to do right by you and give you both the best chance." Aurelia said with a slow nod. "This means he must face some hard realities."
"I know," Those words barely held sound to them, but Liessel said then and then nodded and found herself looking back to meet Aurelia's gaze again, "He needs to set things right with Mister Matthias. He needs to give Mister Matthias the rest he deserves."
"It's more than that, Liessel." Aurelia said delicately. "You know that, right?"
"I do. I know it is that I am so young, and he is not. I'm just at the beginning of things, Aurelia, and he --" Aurelia's hands were let go it, Liessel drawing her arms back to wrap them around herself while she braced against everything that wanted to rise up within her, "-- He is -- not. And he -- is --," dying. She couldn't even get herself to breathe the word. She could not bring it into the world and give it life and substance even if it already had that. She could not get herself close enough so as her mouth tightened down against it forming a flat line of her lips, Liessel forced out an alternative that was pale in comparison, a poor substitute for the harsh truth as her right hand moved upward to wipe at her eyes, "Not well. We do not know how much time is left for him."
"You can't censor this, Liessel." Aurelia said even as her heart bled for her friends. "You can't hide around it or call it something else. You have to be able to face this head on or everything Gerold is trying to accomplish could be for nothing."
Liessel's "I know!" was loud and sharp enough to fill the foyer, those two words breaking away from her before she could wrestle the volume of them down. Immediately afterward, though, Liessel shook her head and said, "I know, Aurelia," far more softly than she had the first time, "I know."
She closed her eyes again, and turned her head off to the side as she drew in a breath, she had hoped would help bring her some stability, but what stability was there to be found in this? Liessel didn't bother wiping at her eyes this time as more tears fell.
"He's --" the word wanted to remain stuck in her throat, caught here as if snared in the trap of her vocal cords, "dying." Once out the word felt no less sticky to her throat. It was like a rock that was impossible to swallow.
"Everything he is out there doing right now is being done in the hopes that he can find something for himself in whatever time he has left."
The initial reaction was to snap back. Her pride and dignity at the ready with sharp teeth and hackled fur. Aurelia Dumitru was not one to be shouted at. Not by strangers. Not by acquaintances. And certainly not by friends - especially when it was the one she was spending her last minutes in London trying to help. The kneejerk reaction to remind Liessel of that was sharp as the statement.
"I know you are facing a great deal." Aurelia spoke calmly. "But please remember that we do not shout at one another. I see what you are facing and I am here to help. I do not say these things to nettle you. You have an impressive ability of avoiding the things you do not wish to face. That cannot be done here."
The young woman shook her head. "I did not mean to shout," She told Aurelia, "I am sorry for that. I know you are trying to help. I am just -- so angry, and frustrated. He is out there working so hard for his tomorrows, for space for us -- for me, maybe, in his life. If we can ever get that far. And I -- can do so little to help him."
"That anger will sabotage your relationships if you cannot find a way to let it out and find peace with it." Aurelia said, suspecting that her anger was more than just with Gerold. "Bottling it up will make things worse. It's what leads to exploding at your friends."
Her sigh was a heavy one, "I do not want to be exploding at anyone, but I don't know what to do with this. I have done much with the time that I've had here, I've grown so much, but have made very little room for myself here -- I've indulged so little in life -- but this, this I want to experience: a life with him. But every time we touch, we embrace -- we reach for each other, and then he pulls away." She breathed out and wiped at her eyes again, her voice quaking, "I know he fears greatly, but I cannot give myself experience that I do not yet have. I cannot make myself any older. Not in the amount of time that we have before us."
"Did you tell him this?" Aurelia said gently.
"I tried," Liessel shook her head softly, "But I do not know if I did a good enough job of expressing it. I told him that I did not want to let the fears we had talked about stop us from this. I told him that we could figure it out, all of it, together. I don't know what to do about the fears we have between us, but I want to fight them. I want to face them. -- But my youth, and my lack of experience -- he is so afraid that he will cost me too much.”
"It could be that he wasn't ready to hear that. Or that maybe it wasn't the time." Aurelia said. "Or maybe it is something that he needs to see rather than hear. This time away might be something you can use to show him that you are growing. As the saying goes, actions speak louder than words."
"I think, maybe, it is all three of those things." her chin dipped for a moment as she conjured the memory of Gerold's frown as they had talked. When it came up again, just a moment later, she was looking to meet Aurelia's gaze once more, "He has so much behind him that he needs to let go so that he can move forward. We both do. With how much grief he is carrying, it is not so much a surprise that he feels there is little room for anything else. And with how much I have yet to discover about myself, I can understand his fears about trapping me. But understanding that does not make it any easier to live with. It doesn't make it hurt any less when he holds me and then pulls away." She felt herself edging up against another heavy sigh but bit back on it by squeezing her arms a little more tightly around herself, "I cannot do anything to help with this, for him, but I can work on myself -- that I can do. For us."
She nodded slowly. "For yourself."
"Yes," Liessel's nod was shallow, the agreement soft as she lifted her right hand to place it on her chest, over her beating heart while a small smile crept up slowly to her lips, "My blanket definitely needs to have more squares added to it."
She smiled and reached to hug her. "That it does."
Her arms loosened, unwrapping and opening until Aurelia would feel the hug returned. They were just about the same height so there was no real leaning one way or the other. Liessel did let her embrace become real, and solid instead of feather weight and barely there, "I am sorry that I yelled at you, Aurelia. I really did not mean to."
"It is alright. You've been through a lot these past few months." She breathed. "I am hoping for brighter days for you, Liessel."
Her shoulders shook, and she sniffled softly, "I think, eventually, there will be some. For now, I will keep fighting. I've come too far to do anything but."
Aurelia held her for what little minutes were left, waiting for the shake to stop in Liessels shoulders and for her to start pulling back.
Composure was gained slowly, growing by what felt like centimeters at a time until steadiness felt like it had outweighed instability. When Liessel pulled back, it was done gently and with enough space for her to take a quick swipe at her eyes. "I will be alright. Thank you, Aurelia."
"There is something we need to talk before I go, though." Aurelia said with a slow nod when she was certain Liessel was ready. "Something for you to be aware and perhaps share with the others at the Bells."
There were still remnants, still tatters of frayed edges that she needed to shake off, but the smoothing of them would happen. She turned, picked up her cup of what-used-to-be-hot-chocolate and took a small sip before setting it back down and giving Aurelia her attention again, "You found something about the Wardens, Warriors and Witnesses?"
"You're a very good guesser." Aurelia blinked, a little surprised. Shaking it off, she nodded. "Nothing in the books but I went to the Fens. We know we are not the only ones searching. Cyrus is as well. One of his sprites located Blackthorn."
Liessel let her attention on that sharpen. It helped, having something like this to put her mind to. It didn't remove the other issues she was facing, the other hardships, but this was a thing that she could more easily work on, and with, while the other stuff sorted itself out, "What did he say? Did she tell him anything?"
Aurelia left out why and how she was able to see. "His sprites were able to locate Blackthorn. She was spotted with Missus White speaking of shaping things back into the ways of the old. The pact we were pushed into was done intentionally by Blackthorn and she believes we are now bound do it even though we do not understand what it means. They're looking for Veleith and the Alfar's ashes. They cannot get to the Garden where we've buried a piece of him. Though it sounded like they were hoping to use Veleith for that."
Her brow drew down and Liessel stood there, absorbing that. She really wanted to ask if Aurelia was sure that was what she saw, but she wouldn't. She knew the Eifore before her. Aurelia was not one that took to flights of fancy ever, if at all.
Her stomach tightened.
"If they are looking for him, they might not find him. Lady Ashbroom has told me that he's gone to rest, beneath the earth, in a bank off the River Mole."
Her frown deepened, "I'm supposed to be going with her tomorrow evening to see Missus White. The Dame said she might know something about my people."
"Tread carefully." Aurelia warned. "There is more going on than what we know."
"I will be as careful as I can be," Liessel promised, "I had not planned on going there without some sort of protection because of Arthur. Though he sleeps, I remember well the draw of him. This is all the more reason to safeguard myself."
"I trust Dame Ashbroom. Pass this on to her, will you? Let her know that there is something happening between the two of them."
"I will," She nodded her head, slowly, heavily. The gravity of the news was still settling, twisting where her thoughts had been on the difficulties with Gerold into new ones that did not bring to mind any happiness. "I'll tell her, first thing, when I see her tomorrow. I don't think it wise that we travel to The Tor without her knowing."
"I agree." She nodded. "I do not know where we will end up but I do hope there will be phones. Or some means of communication for us to share what we learn."
"When you get there, if there are phones, call me. Let me know. That way I can relay whatever I learn to you and the Flynns. Otherwise," She sighed a little bit, weighing out the options, "I will have to rely on the post, and I am not sure that is wise right now."
"We have our dragonflies and we are not without our wits. If something drastic happens, we will find a way." Aurelia nodded.
The news had sent a jolt right through her, making her feel as if she'd touched a piece of metal to a deep-energy socket without the proper protection. Every nerve felt on end.
"We will be alright," Liessel agreed, "and I'll keep you appraised of whatever happens here. Please, do not let this overshadow what you and Avery and Felix are about to go do."
On the kitchen table, laying open and as flat as its thickness would allow was a book that was easily twice as big as Liessel's left forearm. Within its splayed pages rested a pendulum capped with a piece of white quartz that was as clear as a window but was run through with little swirls of its own natural cloudiness. Next to that book lay another, this one smaller and thinner, on top of which rested a well used brown marbled fountain pen. It was not the thin type that was sold in stores and marketed to women. It was broader, more stout.
Liessel had left the stove to cool, the remnants of her kitchen experiment cooling with it. She had a mug full of the warm, darkly rich liquid between her hands as she moved from the kitchen, leaving the bible where it was at on the table, and headed for the dining room and then beyond that to the parlor.
Bags were packed. All loose ends were completed. The only thing left was to wait on the Flynn's arrival and the adventure was off. Setting the receiver down, Aurelia took a long look at her home. The unusual quiet accompanied by the smell of rosemary and heated cream was a comfort. Aurelia knew she should move.
It would be so easy. Just one foot in front of the other. But she hesitated.
"They never seemed so helpless before."
Taking in a sharp breath, she could feel her hesitation just as Avery did upon their return from Harroway. Liessel moved into her line of vision, freeing Aurelia from that frozen moment in time.
“The Flynns will be here soon.” She announced.
It was a slow thing, a creeping thing, one that seemed like it was so far off until the moment when it wasn't so far off at all. Suddenly, it was there. Aurelia was there, with her bags packed, and the Flynns on their way. "--And you have everything you'll need?" She found herself asking, the coffee cup between her hands keeping her fingers warm. "Your pin?"
"Of course." She said with a warm smile. "And if I didn't - there are two brothers who would surely have replacements for me."
Aurelia looked around the large house again.
"You'll be alright with us gone?"
Liessel cast her gaze around, as well, her answer coming as her eyes swept past the doorway to the parlor, "I think so. Mister Whitmoor will be here at night with me. Cog has one of the guest rooms already made up for him. And I'm sure Sprite will keep me company. But breakfast certainly won't be the same." Her gaze landed back on Aurelia and she cleared her throat softly and felt herself smile a little. "I will miss you, Aurelia."
"Eli is staying with you?" Aurelia asked, clearly taken by surprise. "That's very kind of him. I didn't know you two were close. The last time he was here, you couldn't wait for an empty house." She tried to shift gears as easily as Liessel had just done but found herself unable without worry of losing the sincerity of that statement.
Her nod was small, "He will be here in the evenings with me, and I will be over at Flynn and Flynn during the day to help with whatever he might need help with if I am not at The Bells with my father. We also have plans to do some exploring together -- probably on the weekends. I am not sure yet when it will happen. The house is a lot emptier now, than it had been then, so it should be alright."
Noticing the sidestep of her comment, Aurelia let it go. If Liessel was not ready to delve into the reason of her outlook on Eli, then no good would come from pushing.
"I'm glad that you will have someone with you." She nodded with a little smile. "I look forward to trading stories when we return."
"I hope we have something just as exciting to share, as I am sure you will." Liessel offered back, "With Slake possibly lurking about, it seemed wise to make the offer. I thought that if he is watching, then seeing us just off and doing what people our age do might keep him at bay at least until you and the Flynns have returned. If he had any idea that he intimidated me, he might be back if he realizes I am alone. I'm only glad that Eli agreed to it. Neither of us have really seen London so it will be a good way for me to keep my promise to you, and to still get out there and do some exploring without much worry."
"There's much to see for sure!" Aurelia nodded. "As for Slake... it is something that I wish we were not leaving you to attend to. I am sorry for that."
Her eyes held the smile that failed to make it truly into her expression. There was so much to see in London and she already had her list started on the where's and what-to-see's. But Slake. He was the more important topic just then. He was the more dangerous topic just then. Her right hand held onto the mug of warm liquid she held while her left reached for Aurelia, "It is alright. If something happens, we will call but only if it is something that we cannot handle. And worse comes to worst, I will unleash Sprite on him. That should be enough to scare him away for a little while." Her smile peeked through just then, cracking the corners of her lips into an upward tilt.
"I would love to see the mighty Sprite against Slake." Aurelia replied taking her hand. "But you are afraid and I do not like leaving you when you are as such."
"It is only that there is still so much happening at once. Between trying to figure myself out, and things with Gerold -- and with Slake," Liessel shook her head and gave Aurelia's hand a gentle squeeze, "-- You do not need to worry about me. I will manage, and you will go and have fun."
"That is easier to say than to do." Aurelia said with a pinched smile. Shaking her head, she breathed through the muddle of emotions. "How is your father?"
She spared a moment to turn and place the cup she held down on the side table next to the phone. Turning back, Liessel reached for Aurelia's other hand, "I know it is," Her voice was its usual quiet self, if a little shaken. Her smile was gone leaving her lips teasing at the edges of a frown, "All of it is easier said than done. This will be our first time apart since we met -- and that seems like it was forever ago. But I'll be alright, Aurelia." She left the topic of her father sit there for a moment where it was, letting this one hold its own weight between them.
"I won't believe that until after I am gone." Aurelia admitted. "And even then it might take time for the worry that's eating at me to ease."
Soon the Flynns would be arriving. Soon she would be gone for an unknown stretch of time. Aurelia could feel the pressure of a clock ticking away precious minutes. “It is.” The Eforie agreed along with the tilt of her head. “I think that is what makes it so hard. That and…” She pursed her lips, searching for the right way to say the next thing. “You were so shaken by Slake. And with everything that’s happened with your father and now Gerold. I’ve lived with you, Liessel. I’ve watched you seclude yourself in these rooms because you had to hide. I do not want the same thing to happen now that you are going to be without me and the Flynns.”
Liessel let go of a slow, and long exhale, "I hadn't been expecting Slake. I hadn't been expecting him to watch the way that he did. It was -- unnerving. Next time, if there is a next time, I will be more prepared for it. And Gerold -- like you, he would not want me to hide myself away like that again. He would want me out there discovering things and finding my way. My father, too." She drew in another breath, "I also have my promise to you to keep. I plan on doing my best not to break it."
Accepting that, Aurelia took in a slow breath. "I spoke to Gerold before he left."
She waited there to give Liessel the time to decide and make space for anything else Aurelia might have to say.
The question lived within her eyes as she met Aurelia's gaze. Like a ghost it hugged to the corners of her lips, pulling them down into a slight frown before she could manage to make sound out of it.
"What -- did you talk about?"
"You." She admitted. "He told me to tell you he would be back."
"After our last few conversations," Liessel answered after a moment, having put her gaze off to the side while she sorted through her thoughts to find her words. Her eyes closed, and then opened again a few seconds later, "I hadn't been entirely sure where I stood with him. Thank you for telling me, Aurelia."
"I believe he is trying to do right by you and give you both the best chance." Aurelia said with a slow nod. "This means he must face some hard realities."
"I know," Those words barely held sound to them, but Liessel said then and then nodded and found herself looking back to meet Aurelia's gaze again, "He needs to set things right with Mister Matthias. He needs to give Mister Matthias the rest he deserves."
"It's more than that, Liessel." Aurelia said delicately. "You know that, right?"
"I do. I know it is that I am so young, and he is not. I'm just at the beginning of things, Aurelia, and he --" Aurelia's hands were let go it, Liessel drawing her arms back to wrap them around herself while she braced against everything that wanted to rise up within her, "-- He is -- not. And he -- is --," dying. She couldn't even get herself to breathe the word. She could not bring it into the world and give it life and substance even if it already had that. She could not get herself close enough so as her mouth tightened down against it forming a flat line of her lips, Liessel forced out an alternative that was pale in comparison, a poor substitute for the harsh truth as her right hand moved upward to wipe at her eyes, "Not well. We do not know how much time is left for him."
"You can't censor this, Liessel." Aurelia said even as her heart bled for her friends. "You can't hide around it or call it something else. You have to be able to face this head on or everything Gerold is trying to accomplish could be for nothing."
Liessel's "I know!" was loud and sharp enough to fill the foyer, those two words breaking away from her before she could wrestle the volume of them down. Immediately afterward, though, Liessel shook her head and said, "I know, Aurelia," far more softly than she had the first time, "I know."
She closed her eyes again, and turned her head off to the side as she drew in a breath, she had hoped would help bring her some stability, but what stability was there to be found in this? Liessel didn't bother wiping at her eyes this time as more tears fell.
"He's --" the word wanted to remain stuck in her throat, caught here as if snared in the trap of her vocal cords, "dying." Once out the word felt no less sticky to her throat. It was like a rock that was impossible to swallow.
"Everything he is out there doing right now is being done in the hopes that he can find something for himself in whatever time he has left."
The initial reaction was to snap back. Her pride and dignity at the ready with sharp teeth and hackled fur. Aurelia Dumitru was not one to be shouted at. Not by strangers. Not by acquaintances. And certainly not by friends - especially when it was the one she was spending her last minutes in London trying to help. The kneejerk reaction to remind Liessel of that was sharp as the statement.
"I know you are facing a great deal." Aurelia spoke calmly. "But please remember that we do not shout at one another. I see what you are facing and I am here to help. I do not say these things to nettle you. You have an impressive ability of avoiding the things you do not wish to face. That cannot be done here."
The young woman shook her head. "I did not mean to shout," She told Aurelia, "I am sorry for that. I know you are trying to help. I am just -- so angry, and frustrated. He is out there working so hard for his tomorrows, for space for us -- for me, maybe, in his life. If we can ever get that far. And I -- can do so little to help him."
"That anger will sabotage your relationships if you cannot find a way to let it out and find peace with it." Aurelia said, suspecting that her anger was more than just with Gerold. "Bottling it up will make things worse. It's what leads to exploding at your friends."
Her sigh was a heavy one, "I do not want to be exploding at anyone, but I don't know what to do with this. I have done much with the time that I've had here, I've grown so much, but have made very little room for myself here -- I've indulged so little in life -- but this, this I want to experience: a life with him. But every time we touch, we embrace -- we reach for each other, and then he pulls away." She breathed out and wiped at her eyes again, her voice quaking, "I know he fears greatly, but I cannot give myself experience that I do not yet have. I cannot make myself any older. Not in the amount of time that we have before us."
"Did you tell him this?" Aurelia said gently.
"I tried," Liessel shook her head softly, "But I do not know if I did a good enough job of expressing it. I told him that I did not want to let the fears we had talked about stop us from this. I told him that we could figure it out, all of it, together. I don't know what to do about the fears we have between us, but I want to fight them. I want to face them. -- But my youth, and my lack of experience -- he is so afraid that he will cost me too much.”
"It could be that he wasn't ready to hear that. Or that maybe it wasn't the time." Aurelia said. "Or maybe it is something that he needs to see rather than hear. This time away might be something you can use to show him that you are growing. As the saying goes, actions speak louder than words."
"I think, maybe, it is all three of those things." her chin dipped for a moment as she conjured the memory of Gerold's frown as they had talked. When it came up again, just a moment later, she was looking to meet Aurelia's gaze once more, "He has so much behind him that he needs to let go so that he can move forward. We both do. With how much grief he is carrying, it is not so much a surprise that he feels there is little room for anything else. And with how much I have yet to discover about myself, I can understand his fears about trapping me. But understanding that does not make it any easier to live with. It doesn't make it hurt any less when he holds me and then pulls away." She felt herself edging up against another heavy sigh but bit back on it by squeezing her arms a little more tightly around herself, "I cannot do anything to help with this, for him, but I can work on myself -- that I can do. For us."
She nodded slowly. "For yourself."
"Yes," Liessel's nod was shallow, the agreement soft as she lifted her right hand to place it on her chest, over her beating heart while a small smile crept up slowly to her lips, "My blanket definitely needs to have more squares added to it."
She smiled and reached to hug her. "That it does."
Her arms loosened, unwrapping and opening until Aurelia would feel the hug returned. They were just about the same height so there was no real leaning one way or the other. Liessel did let her embrace become real, and solid instead of feather weight and barely there, "I am sorry that I yelled at you, Aurelia. I really did not mean to."
"It is alright. You've been through a lot these past few months." She breathed. "I am hoping for brighter days for you, Liessel."
Her shoulders shook, and she sniffled softly, "I think, eventually, there will be some. For now, I will keep fighting. I've come too far to do anything but."
Aurelia held her for what little minutes were left, waiting for the shake to stop in Liessels shoulders and for her to start pulling back.
Composure was gained slowly, growing by what felt like centimeters at a time until steadiness felt like it had outweighed instability. When Liessel pulled back, it was done gently and with enough space for her to take a quick swipe at her eyes. "I will be alright. Thank you, Aurelia."
"There is something we need to talk before I go, though." Aurelia said with a slow nod when she was certain Liessel was ready. "Something for you to be aware and perhaps share with the others at the Bells."
There were still remnants, still tatters of frayed edges that she needed to shake off, but the smoothing of them would happen. She turned, picked up her cup of what-used-to-be-hot-chocolate and took a small sip before setting it back down and giving Aurelia her attention again, "You found something about the Wardens, Warriors and Witnesses?"
"You're a very good guesser." Aurelia blinked, a little surprised. Shaking it off, she nodded. "Nothing in the books but I went to the Fens. We know we are not the only ones searching. Cyrus is as well. One of his sprites located Blackthorn."
Liessel let her attention on that sharpen. It helped, having something like this to put her mind to. It didn't remove the other issues she was facing, the other hardships, but this was a thing that she could more easily work on, and with, while the other stuff sorted itself out, "What did he say? Did she tell him anything?"
Aurelia left out why and how she was able to see. "His sprites were able to locate Blackthorn. She was spotted with Missus White speaking of shaping things back into the ways of the old. The pact we were pushed into was done intentionally by Blackthorn and she believes we are now bound do it even though we do not understand what it means. They're looking for Veleith and the Alfar's ashes. They cannot get to the Garden where we've buried a piece of him. Though it sounded like they were hoping to use Veleith for that."
Her brow drew down and Liessel stood there, absorbing that. She really wanted to ask if Aurelia was sure that was what she saw, but she wouldn't. She knew the Eifore before her. Aurelia was not one that took to flights of fancy ever, if at all.
Her stomach tightened.
"If they are looking for him, they might not find him. Lady Ashbroom has told me that he's gone to rest, beneath the earth, in a bank off the River Mole."
Her frown deepened, "I'm supposed to be going with her tomorrow evening to see Missus White. The Dame said she might know something about my people."
"Tread carefully." Aurelia warned. "There is more going on than what we know."
"I will be as careful as I can be," Liessel promised, "I had not planned on going there without some sort of protection because of Arthur. Though he sleeps, I remember well the draw of him. This is all the more reason to safeguard myself."
"I trust Dame Ashbroom. Pass this on to her, will you? Let her know that there is something happening between the two of them."
"I will," She nodded her head, slowly, heavily. The gravity of the news was still settling, twisting where her thoughts had been on the difficulties with Gerold into new ones that did not bring to mind any happiness. "I'll tell her, first thing, when I see her tomorrow. I don't think it wise that we travel to The Tor without her knowing."
"I agree." She nodded. "I do not know where we will end up but I do hope there will be phones. Or some means of communication for us to share what we learn."
"When you get there, if there are phones, call me. Let me know. That way I can relay whatever I learn to you and the Flynns. Otherwise," She sighed a little bit, weighing out the options, "I will have to rely on the post, and I am not sure that is wise right now."
"We have our dragonflies and we are not without our wits. If something drastic happens, we will find a way." Aurelia nodded.
The news had sent a jolt right through her, making her feel as if she'd touched a piece of metal to a deep-energy socket without the proper protection. Every nerve felt on end.
"We will be alright," Liessel agreed, "and I'll keep you appraised of whatever happens here. Please, do not let this overshadow what you and Avery and Felix are about to go do."