Post by Liessel on Mar 4, 2024 14:21:42 GMT -5
She was just getting in, stepping through the front door and reaching up to pull the pin from her hat that kept it set in place above her tightly braided hair. The hat and pin were set on a side table, and she started peeling her gloves off finger by finger. The lace was delicate, and it left her missing the more durable kid leather she could wear in the colder seasons but summer was far too warm for them. With her fingers free, Liessel laid the lace hand coverings down on top of the hat and its pin.
She had left early that morning, skipping breakfast to head to The Bells to see if she could manage to get there before her father woke. Now, she'd come home and was shaking off the worst parts of those visits as she shed the things a woman needed when stepping out into broad day light in London. As she turned to head further into the house, Liessel reached up and slipped the top few buttons of her dress loose, "Cog," she called out ahead of herself, "Is Aurelia here?"
"I'm in here!"
Aurelia's voice came from the sitting room just a few steps down the hall.
It wasn't much of a detour. She'd be passing the sitting room on her way to the kitchen. As she entered the sitting room, Liessel slipped her hand free from the little purse she had worn. It was small, no bigger than a gentleman's hand, with a clasp of silver metal and a small, delicate chain that was just long enough to allow it to be slipped over the hand and worn around the wrist, or to be carried like a handle.
"I am sorry I missed breakfast with you this morning," She was saying as she came into the sitting room, looking immediately to find where her friend was just then.
Trunks had been brought up from the basement and the attic the day after their return from Harroway.
The two walls of the sitting room were already lined with books patiently waiting for someone to read them at their leisure but now stacks of books, newspapers, journals, and anything else Aurelia could think she might have in her possession that could shed light on what the Wardens, Warriors, and Witnesses might mean were sprawled out in the room. Aurelia herself was on the floor, dressed in a simple pair of black trousers and a button up white long sleeved blouse. Her magnificently colored red hair was pulled into an extremely messy bun that hung low at the nape of her neck. Several coffee cups were strung about the room, empty, signaling the many hours she'd been huddled within those four walls.
"It's alright. I wasn't hungry." Aurelia said, looking up from the old volume she'd thumbed through before Liessel returned home. A plate of untouched pastries and fruit were testament to her statement. "I heard you leave out this morning. Did you go to see your father; how is he?"
Her purse was left on the coffee table as she came around and got closer to where Aurelia sat on the floor, "I managed to get there before he woke up, and he's doing alright. He seems to regain a little more of himself every day. He's settling in there well, too, I think. He seems to be anyway." She knew what Aurelia was looking for within those chests, and took a moment to look over what had been pulled out and spread across the sitting room, "Have you found anything yet?"
She bent, reaching to shift some of the reading material out of the way so she could lower herself down next to Aurelia without catching anything beneath her.
The volume was closed and placed on a stack with others. "No." She sighed. Fingers raked through her hair, pulling out strands from the bun and making the overall look even more disheveled. Her arms dropped, the motion moving into a fluid stretch of her arms and shoulders as she looked over at Liessel.
"But we will. We just have to keep looking."
There had been a small hope, that with everything Aurelia had been able to collect in her life, that something was within all those pages and papers that she had tucked away. The hope was still there, if diminished for the moment. Liessel nodded and looked around again at everything that had been gone through so far, "I know I haven't been much help in the search, but I will go through what's left in the trunks this evening. I told my father I wouldn't be back until tomorrow."
"Thank you Liessel." She said with that bright smile of hers. "And if you could keep your ears to the ground while we are away, that would be a great help. Don't go out looking for trouble, of course, but just stay vigilant."
Liessel smiled in return, giving Aurelia a nod of her head. "Of course," she answered, "But I think it is far more likely that it should snow in summer than it is for me to go looking for trouble. I do not plan on doing much aside from visiting my father, and going to see Father McKellen. I will either be here, at the church, or at The Bells. But I will be vigilant while you are away, that I can promise."
"Oh Liessel. I hope you'll do more with your time than just that!" Aurelia exclaimed. "You've spent so much time cooped up at the Knightsbridge. I'd hope you'd be eager to to truly explore London, see what's out there and find new things to explore."
"I am eager," She said, reaching out with her right hand for one of Aurelia's, "Believe me, I am. There are so many things in this city that I want to see and do but I cannot imagine doing them while my father is recovering. It seems wrong -- it feels wrong -- to want to be out there, exploring, while he is there and healing."
"I think you are being too hard on yourself." Aurelia said as she gave Liessel's hand a gentle squeeze. "And I think it would break your father's heart to know that you've kept yourself contained when you've finally become free."
Liessel's fingers were there, returning that gentle squeeze, "I know it would break his heart, but he is here alone -- well, not alone -- but this place is new to him. I do not want to leave him to that without reminders that I am here, and we may be far from Harroway but he still has something of his life there. Going out and seeing the city, it just seems like it is not --" Her shoulders fell when she found herself unable to hit the bullseye of where she wanted her words to go, "I feel it is abandoning him to it, even if momentarily. What right do I have to do these things if he is still in the state Giessler put him in?"
It was an age old conversation just spoken with new examples. Liessel wanted to do more with her life. Liessel felt guilty for doing more with her life because x, y, and z would become abandoned. Aurelia shook her head as a familiar exhaustion started to settle over her.
"I don't know what more to tell you Liessel than what has already been said so many times. You're the only one who can release the guilt that you feel when it comes to your personal happiness and pursuits."
She drew in a quick breath and then huffed it out just as quickly, "I know."
"All this work we have to do, you and I, Liessel Erphale, and none of it with courtesy enough to offer us a calendar we can mark."
The voice of Gerold Schoen bubbled up through her thoughts and left her shaking her head, "I wish I could scrub some of my life before from my mind. That would be one of the things that I would do away with."
"You'd be doing yourself a disservice if you did." Aurelia replied.
"But, would it not make some things easier, like following my desires instead of -- feeling guilty about them?" Liessel asked, settling herself further by shifting her weight against her legs for comfort.
"That's an overly simplified way of looking at it." Aurelia replied, shaking her head. This was another round about conversation they'd had many times over the course of their friendship.
"Humans are not meant to stay still. They're meant to take what they learn and see how it can be shaped into the fabric of their lives like adding to a quilt. The quilt grows as we are meant to grow. If we take out the parts we simply do not like about ourselves then we create holes in our quilt. Too many holes and a blanket cannot be a blanket. Too many holes in us and we cannot grow."
It didn't feel the same as other conversations. It didn't feel the same at all.
"But that is what I mean," She told Aurelia, "my blanket was already full of holes. It did not grow because I could not grow. Now, I must figure out how to mend it, and I have no idea how to sew. The holes feel like they are too big or there are too many. Some are small enough for me to manage, but that one -- every time I think "I will do this." or "I want this." I can hear it in my head, the rules that were drilled into me: A sister wants for nothing. Be the waymaker. That is what I would remove. Not the hole, just the thing that keeps the hole where it is."
"I think you're looking at this the wrong way. You blanket isn't filled with holes but it was made to be small." Aurelia replied. "It was made to fit the size of a newborn babe with no opportunities to be given squares of fabric so that it could grow to fit someone much larger. I believe that is where the guilt comes from and why you're so willingly twisting yourself in knots over and over when there are changes for you to become more." She took a quick pause.
"You're used to seeing the blanket as something small - a blanket that fits someone you were meant to outgrow. Wishing to cut out holes in the blanket doesn't change that. It would only make you feel even more incomplete."
Liessel was quiet as she listened, an image of what Aurelia was saying forming within her mind. It was that of a baby blanket. She'd seen them, of course, and so could easily picture one covering her. Blankets that size were smaller, and for her to be able to cover herself with one she would have had to curl up so tightly and even then, there would be places where her size would make it impossible for the blanket to cover her so completely. Without curling herself up, though, there was no way that the blanket would have been able to even come close to doing its job.
"I think --" she broke her silence, giving Aurelia's hand a small squeeze, "I think I understand what you are trying to say."
She nodded. "I believe you are linking guilt and hesitation to the unfamiliarity of letting that blanket grow. Some people, Adeline Webber comes to mind, respond with anger and force. From what I've gathered, her blanket was also made to be small. Only she took a much different approach than what you've done."
"She tears and pulls, ripping shreds where her blanket is not what she wants it to be. Her approach is not one that I could ever see myself taking."
"But that is what makes growing your own blanket so special. Two people could have very similar backgrounds and yet find completely different ways on how to add squares to their quilts." Aurelia continued on. "It's why I believe you'd be doing yourself a great disservice by wishing and wanting to scrub what you've experienced away."
"I'd be shredding it," Liessel said after a moment of thought, and a small nod "It would not be in the same manner, but the result would be the same. I'd only be making it smaller."
"Exactly." She nodded. "I look forward to watching you grow, Liessel. I cannot wait to see what became of you when we return from holiday. It would break my heart to know you've kept yourself curled up because you felt too guilty to explore new horizons."
Her hand around Aurelia's gave another gentle squeeze, "Do you know how long you will be away?”
"No." She shook her head. "I believe we are moving at much more impulsive beat than what we're used to but I am excited to see where we end up."
Her smile was easy and warm, "I can't wait to hear all about where you've gone after you get back, and everything you've seen. I am very excited for you. You've not decided yet on that? Where you, all, will be going?"
"Avery's planning it. I'm just along for the ride." She nodded.
"Then it will be somewhere remarkable, I am sure," Liessel's smile widened into a grin, "I must admit that I am a little sad that I cannot join you this time, though."
"We need time away." Aurelia said as a frown graced her beautiful face. "Time where it's just the three of us."
"I know you need the time," There was a small nod that came, "I had meant the thought of seeing somewhere new."
"Of course." She nodded then.
"I do hope that you enjoy yourselves, wherever it is that you will be going. It has been a long handful of months, for sure." Liessel slowly slipped her hand from Aurelia's, bringing it back toward herself where she pressed her fingertips against the fold of fabric created from her undoing the top few buttons of her dress a few moments before, "The rest, I think, has been more than well earned."
"I'm certain Avery will have something delightful for us to do." Aurelia replied with a little smile.
"He is rather good at planning." She agreed, giving a small smile of her own. It was there and then fading as she looked around at all the scattered reading material. "Please tell me that you will be going without any of this."
"Oh, of course not." Aurelia responded, shaking her head. "No but with how quickly we left for Harroway, there are many things that remain untouched since what the Alfar tried to accomplish. "I want to know if there's any mention of this Warden, Warriors, Witnesses in anything I might have collected over the years." Her brows pinched. "I don't know what it all means - and I need to know. I don't want those at the Bells to think I've forgotten them."
"I am sure that they don't think that. Adam knows what pushed us to head for Harroway so soon after the Alfar, and they know what we came back with. I will keep the hunt up for you while you are away. There is so much to read," Liessel said, focusing on the Eifore, "That I am sure I will still be reading by the time you've returned."
"We don't know these people." Aurelia reminded. "We don't know the Fae that frequent the Bells. Just in our last visit alone, there were many faces that I do not know. We don't know what they think or believe, Liessel."
"I know," Liessel said, giving Aurelia a little nod, "But my point was that I can't think they would be so quick to dismiss what has been done already. Defeating the Alfar, being the biggest of those accomplishments. They don't have any answers either so they will know, too, that it takes time to find them."
"I'd rather not try to guess their temperaments before knowing them." Aurelia replied. "That sounds like an opening for something to go wrong. Should there be friction from our lack of involvement due to more pressing engagements, then even this bit of research allows me some breathing room."
Liessel's answer came with another little nod as she said, "And that is why I will continue the research while you are away. I will be there often enough, and long enough, that if I find something it won't take long at all to get them that information."
"You said you were planning on visiting the Bells while we are away?"
"Mhm," That small sound of confirmation came, and then Liessel was saying, "I will likely be there every day, or at least some portion of every day while my father is there recovering."
"Get to know them." Aurelia said. "That's how you can help. I'm not suggesting you lie or manipulate but just know their faces - especially those who are outside our wheelhouse. Know who frequents the Bells often, and who only visits when it's needed. Something as simple as knowing a name can be instrumental later down the road."
"Alright. I've already been introduced to several of those who are there most frequently, but I will keep my eyes and ears open." Liessel didn't need to do it, she knew, but as she spoke her right hand lifted and pressed against the front of her dress again.
"Thank you. But don't," Her brows pinched. "Don't let it become the only thing you do while we are away. Explore. Adventure. Even if you decide to just remain in the city. There's so much out there to offer."
"I won't let it," Liessel promised with a quick shake of her head and a smile, "I have a blanket to grow, and a lot of work to do. This city is so big, though, I might have to hire a tour guide just to keep me from getting lost."
Lisa Marshall, 36 min
Aurelia smiled and nodded. "That you do."